Tuesday, 29 December 2009

'Tis as human a little story as paper could well carry

If you are reading this you are probably familiar with the fact that this blog can no longer exist as it was intended. Unless, of course, you wish me to lavish you with tales of my pioneering expeditions around a city which barely deserves such a misleading civic title. It is thus a strange set of thought processes that has led to this blog being re-instated as a peripheral distraction in my as-of-now uneventful life. You know as well as I, that I have nothing particularly engaging to comment on - I am not stranded in Iran making good freedom of speech, nor am I some luminary critic who wishes to educate you - the singular embodiment of the unwashed masses. No, I am just a bloke who is currently - and may perhaps in the future - write about nothing in particular and with no great grace. Think of this as an exercise in stream-of-conscious writing that may be of some amusement to you if you are the kind of person who wishes to fill empty hours with something other than an overextended facebook fix.

Actually, as I have written this I suppose I have slowly come to acknowledge that it may be difficult to write about nothing - so I may in fact write about topics or events in my life that actually exist. However, knowing me as well as I do, I can tell you that there is unlikely to be a logical rhyme or reason as to why I will write about what I will write about... But that could be also be interpreted as a bare faced lie, as I do actually intend to sound off on all events musical, visual, stereotypical and moderately weird.

For todays blog I present you something that will fall squarely into the moderately weird catergory. Who knows, I may also be pointing you towards sound financial advise.

Here's a few of lovemoney.com's most recent money saving tips:

TOP 20 TIPS:

1. Getting so worked up by an exciting article that blood pressure goes up thereby increasing body temperature and reducing the need for heating.

2. Use Parsley wine for its longevity because 'it still tastes like medicine after 15 years.

3. Send the kids round to friends' houses around dinnertime. The advice is that it works best if they practice acting hungry first.

4. Harvesting roadkill. Note when not to harvest: "...either due to excessive flatness or length of time it's been baking in the sun."

5. Pick up every coin you find. A couple who have spent the last 12 years picking up every coin they have ever found amassed £360,000.

6. Use your leftovers. Cut up used greetings cards and use the pieces to make new ones. With children going to a dozen parties every year it saves pounds.

7. Hang onto the outside of the bus.

8. Take a bath once a year and save GBP30. Do it with a friend and save double.

9.Roasted dandelion root is an excellent coffee substitute (and it's de-caf).

10. Brew your own beer and wine. You'll save money and you'll save on housing costs when you spend six months in rehab paid for by the NHS.

11. Maximise the cats potential. One reader 'whiteburn' apparently "trained one cat to sit on knee and other to drape itself round neck, saving on heating."

12. Choose parking carefully

"Choose the far empty corner of the car park, so you can drive in forwards and out forwards saving about, err, 5p?

13. Don't flush every time.

14. Save your wee in milk cartons, water down and use as a high nitrate fertiliser. Double save on fertiliser and water.

15. Move back home with the parents.

16. Save money on carpeting by gluing a square of carpet onto each shoe.

17. Use carpet cast offs.

One reader who followed the tip said 'The floor was multicoloured but looked great and was all done for free because my dad had gone round the carpet shops and asked for any they were throwing out."

18. Turn the thermostat down then save money by selling my freezer, boiler and radiators.

19. Holiday House swap.

Think this through as Louise600's circumstances may not be conducive: "I wonder if anyone will ever want a holiday swap to Huddersfield?"

20. If you're going out, turn your doorbell off to save on electricity bills.


(I think I may actually indulge my inner geek for my next blog and document the combination of smoking illicit substances at the same time as playing a Japanese RPG... That's actually an amazing idea).

So yes, a blog full of self indulgent scrawl with only a vague direction and or point - what's not to like for my four strong readership?